Boston & New England Wedding Photographer Deborah Zoe

Boston & North Shore Wedding Photographer creating timeless imagery for classic New England weddings with a fine art approach.

Comparing Our Spouse


It's the first Monday of the month so that means it's time for another Marriage Monday. For April I decided to tackle the topic of comparison. By now I'm sure you've seen the famous quote from Theodore Roosevelt, "comparison is the thief of joy", floating around the internet, particularly Pinterest, And there is probably a very good reason why : We like to compare. We like to compare our bodies, our clothes, our homes, our families, our friends, our entires lives to one another. It can become an unhealthy habit, and as a woman, I feel acutely aware of this habit in my own life. 

When Dave and I were first married I was a horrible at comparing my marriage, husband and my life to those around me. Perhaps it was because I was young or perhaps its because we had not been married that long. I had no idea what I wanted in my marriage and so I would look to other couples and their relationships to find my inspiration. When Dave didn't match up to the husband I thought he should be, I was very critical and demanding of him.  

It's a battle I struggle with still to this day and while I do it in all areas of my life, I'm highly aware of it in my marriage. As we've matured and grown together as a couple, the comparison games have eased, but there are still moments when this bad habit can rear it's ugly head. It's something that I am always aware of and now am quick to apologize for. 

I think age and perspective has allowed me to see a larger picture of our marriage and how we each fit into that picture. Our relationship is very different from the relationships of those around us and its ok! Our marriage doesn't need to a fit a certain mold, trend or idea. Accepting that was hard, but there was so much freedom in being ok with who we are as a couple and as individuals. 


If you find yourself comparing your husband or spouse to others stop immediately. Take a step back and try to take in the grander picture. Your spouse has been given to you as a gift, a partner to walk through life with, someone to teach you and encourage you. Your spouse was uniquely chosen and paired with you for a reason, because together you are better. Together you bring something truly wonderful to the world around you. Comparing each other robs us the joy and the gift that is our spouse.