Boston & New England Wedding Photographer Deborah Zoe

Boston & North Shore Wedding Photographer creating timeless imagery for classic New England weddings with a fine art approach.

Marriage Mondays

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Learning Your Role

It's Monday and that means it's time for another Marriage Mondays!! I hope you've been enjoying this blog series so far!! It's definitely been a stretching experience for me! I'm passionate about healthy and happy marriages and I'm excited to encourage others in their relationships! So if you've been enjoying the series, leave a shout out below! I'd love to hear from you (and if you have any advice, tips or stories you'd like to share OR things you'd like to see in this series let me know!) I read every single comment and all of your feedback and appreciate the time you guys spend here! 

This Monday I wanted to tackle the idea of the traditional housewife, of which I am not. In fact, I'm far from it. My college roommates would tease me for four years about the fact that I didn't know how to boil a pot of water. And poor Dave, my cooking skills have not evolved much beyond that almost 10 years later.  

When we first were married we approached our marriage with different ideas of who was responsible for what and how we would work as team. Our expectations of each other were completely opposite. It took some intention to really adjust those expectations to fit what truly worked for our family.  

For example, Dave expected a wife does laundry, the cleaning, the cooking, etc. And this wasn't in a chauvinistic way, it was just what he knew and expected. And I expected a husband to be responsible for the bills, house maintenance, car care, laundry, cooking and cleaning! Boy we're we BOTH way off. Because our personalities just weren't like that, our skill sets weren't in those areas. We had a lot of communicating and learning to do!! 

Today, Dave is the cook, launderer, bill keeper, and maintenance keeper and general leader in our family. I'm the house cleaner, scheduler, and general home organization-er. This is what works for US, our personalities, our skill sets. Does that mean Dave likes doing the laundry? Not particularly, but it's what we've agreed upon that works best for our family. Does it mean that I like scheduling our family? Not really, but my skill sets of organization and general OCD-ness lends itself well to this task.  

But, while it's good and great to chat about taking on roles that work within your talents and skill set (and freeing to think outside the box of the traditional housewife) it doesn't mean that you won't have to make compromises as you figure out your responsibilities in the relationship. You may love doing the bills(!?) but hate to cook. However, there may be a period of time where you NEED to take on this role or where you just need to make a compromise and be the cook in your family. Taking on roles in marriage requires sacrifice, clear communication and managing expectations.  

Truly the point is to figure out what you're good at, what you're skilled at and what you'd be willing to take on and then have a conversation with your spouse. How can you work together as a team to get things done that need to be accomplished in your home and marriage. Don't just fall into roles because that is what you think is expected of you. That will lead to resentment and a general discontentment in your home. Instead figure out what will be best for YOUR family. Every marriage will have different roles that need to be filled. And each marriage will fill those roles differently. So don't feel strange or bad if your marriage looks drastically different from another. What's most important is that you are working together to create a healthy relationship and happy home together.  

What are your thoughts on marriage roles? Do you have any tips on what works for your family? Did you have clear expectations entering into marriage? I'd love to hear your thoughts!!  

marriage mondays deborah zoe photography

marriage mondays deborah zoe photography

Many thanks to Justin & Mary for the photo above!

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by Deborah Parker